If Marian were a �

All Marianettes know that Marian Gold is just Marian's stage name and that his real name is Hartwig Schierbaum. But have you ever thought of what Marian might be called under different circumstances? Here are just a few ideas (with the help of the Name Generator at http://rumandmonkey.com/widgets/toys/namegen/10/):

Remember, it's all for fun, 'cause we love Marian, we do! :)


If Marian were British, he'd be called Damian Walpole

If Marian were a fluffy kitten, he'd be called Sprinkles Perrywinkle

If Marian were a dolphin-loving hippie, he'd be called Aquamarine Holder

If Marian were a pub, he'd be called The Firkin and Winding Road

If Marian were a retarded Anime fan, he'd be called Magical Pretty Girl Angel Goku -San

If Marian were a rich white Republican, he'd be called Lionel "Mr. T-Bonds" Rogers

If Marian were an ethnic stud, he'd be called Mario Apasionado

If Marian were a bacterium, he'd be called Ampullariella Finegoldia

If Marian were a farm animal, he'd be called Tunkermaniacmooier

If Marian were a Disney freak, he'd be called Marlin

If Marian were an amazing freak, he'd be called Mike The Boot Polish Addict

If Marian were a Hillbilly, he'd be called Joe Harris Chuckles Randomly

If Marian were a sadistic bitch, he'd be called Jotham Destroyer of Evil

If Marian were a Satan worshipper, he'd be called Azrial The Hatefilled

If Marian had a nickname, it would be Poptart

If Marian were a plate of leftovers, he'd be called Festering Rodent Casserole from last Wednesday

If Marian were a Manic Street Preachers' song, he'd be called Natwest-Barclays-Midlands-Lloyds Die

If Marian had a completely made-up name, it would be Rearans Holleman

If Marian were a Scottish dockyard worker, he'd be called Steamin Hodgy Macdougal

If Marian were from the good old Wild West, he'd be called Clarence Bob

If Marian hung out with us in our gang, he'd be called Muscle-man "You Got Served" Ice-Cold

If Marian were a white Gangsta' Rapper, he'd be called Rhymin' Dog Dog

If Marian wanted an untraceable alias, it would be Brian Johnson

If Marian were a Bondgirl, he'd be called Misty "Improbably Bulimic" McSlut

If Marian were a midget pirate, he'd be called Col the Purple Parrot Man

If Marian needed to make friends and impress people, he'd be called Blair Gustovsin

If Marian were in a singles' club, he'd be called Sexy Hockey-playing Jack!

If Marian were an evil lord of destruction, he'd be called Cardinal Gorax the Apocalyptic

If Marian were a rock star, he'd be called Grand Master Engo

If Marian were a computer game, he'd be called American McGee's Blood

If Marian were a Klingon, he'd be called Kemarrin Godar

If Marian were kids' cereal, he'd be called Crunchy Alligator Os

If Marian abused vowels, he'd be called Aeruios

If Marian were an invisible friend, he'd be called Tyrant Courageous

If Marian were a Native American, he'd be called Married To Pina Coladas

If Marian were a revolutionary group, he'd be called The Vengeful Brotherhood

If Marian were a Canadian hockey player, he'd be called Adrien Cholmondeley

If Marian had a random crazy shit name, it would be Harry Wang


This is a call to the Marianette society! If you have any names you can generate for Marian in any circumstance, please send it to us and leave your mark here!

Here endeth this Marianette lesson. Now go and get out your copies of 'United' and sing 'Danger In Your Paradise' 10 times to brush up!